being single in iso
It's taken me five months for the emotional weight of coronavirus lockdown to finally come crashing down on me. I'm so lonely. Maybe its because my housemates are so loved up (don't worry guys I love u), maybe its because of the disappointment that was my two week free trial of a boyfriend last December, maybe it's because the prospect of not being able to go on a date and explore romantic connections for the foreseeable future is pure grim. I've always wanted to explore a romantic relationship further, and lockdown has just emphasised the idea in my head that I'm single and will be until the second coming. Yeah it sucks but you know what? I hate this narrative that if you want to be in a relationship you're suddenly a desperate, sad single that is insecure. It's okay to crave a love that you can't get from yourself, your family, or your friends. It's okay to want to be able to share a romantic intimacy with someone.
"Oh take this time to invest in yourself" Girl, have you met me? I am all about myself. I love myself. I have found love and happiness within myself. I have such a strong sense of self and know who I am. Is it wrong of me to want to share that with someone else in a way that isn't platonic?
"A boyfriend isn't going to solve your problems" I know it isn't. I don't want one to "cure" me, I have a psychologist I pay $200 a session for that. To be completely frank with you guys I am completely content with my life. I have strong morals and aspirations and goals I want to achieve and despite living during a global pandemic I'm doing pretty well for myself. I want to share those milestones. I want to have that intimate pillow talk. I want to feel butterflies while holding someone's hand. I guess you could call me a bit of a hopeless romantic.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not going to rush into a relationship with the first male who shows signs of interest. I understand it takes time to form a connection with someone and I am willing to put in the time and effort to find that special someone to pursue monogamously. It isn't something I have put a timer on where I'm impatiently watching the numbers count down. I'll patiently wait for my pRiNcE cHaRmInG but damn dude hurry up.
It's okay to not want to be single. It doesn't make you any less independent neither does it lower your sense of empowerment. Go find your Prince Charming and don't feel bad about wanting to do so.
IN CONCLUSION: "I don't really need a man but sometimes I want one though" - Yung Baby Tate circa STUPID 2019 feat Ashnikko