Abbie x Vush: a maybe too honest review
Disclaimer this is going to be hella TMI but if I’m able to openly talk about chlamydia and the discolouration of my urine I should be able to talk about this.
So, I got the Abbie Chatfield x Vush collaboration because, well, the social media marketing was just too good not to. I will admit though I was a bit skeptical at first. I’ve gone through my fair share of self love toys and I always thought a clit stimulator and some sort of phallic-like option was enough. I was wrong. So, when one of my favourite feminist icons released a sex toy in the most beautiful orange colour, what was I going to do? Say no? I questioned the $150 price point, but then I saw that afterpay was available so inevitably I fell victim to purchasing.
She arrived in what felt like three hours and boy was I IMPRESSED. I’m not sure what came faster; her delivery in the mail or my orgasm.
Packaging:
Vush didn’t miss a beat. Look at her. They really said; we got you babe. Discreet packaging, a cute set of stickers, the MOST silky dust bag (in which I could probably climax just from running it across my skin), and of course the ergonomically convenient goddess herself. It was like unwrapping a well thought out gift from a close friend. It was like Christmas in April. Legend has it that I am yet to throw away the cardboard box it came in.
Design and settings:
Look, I’m a basic girl. I like my orgasms how I like the Soup Nazi’s ordering policies in that episode of Seinfield, quick and to the point. I don’t need fancy doo-dads to get me off. With that in mind, I haven’t tried out the large range of settings the Abbie has to offer. All I know is there is one rhythmic setting that sounds very similar to Jingle Bells. The only other setting I have tried out which I simply don’t have the vocabulary to describe goes a little something like this: 📈 and then 📉 and then 📈 again and so forth. It’s like a mini roller coaster for your coochie. I’d ride it again for sure.
I am slightly disappointed with the intensity settings only spanning across five different options. If that thing isn’t attacking my clit like an industrial jackhammer I don’t want it!!
The design itself is so beautiful it belongs in a glass display box in the centre of an empty room in The Louvre. It’s crafted perfectly to fit easily in your hand and it’s sleek design makes it easy to use in however way you please. It’s also fun to hold up to your ear like a banana phone (don’t lie, if you’ve got the Abbie, you’ve probably done it too)
The TMI (I mean it, if you don’t want to read about my cooter then exit now!)
I am writing this fresh after riding an enormous wave of endorphins thanks to the Abbie, and also very zooted. I just met god. My body transcended into an unknown universe. I was disassociating for 45 seconds. The universe and I have become one.
I will be honest, normal vibrators just don’t cut it for me anymore. Ever since purchasing the Satisfyer Pro 2 I have never looked back and my old vibrator has become abandoned and dusty, so, while I love the Abbie, I wouldn’t recommend it as your number one clit destroyer.
Here’s the deal: satisfyer pro 2 on the clit, the Abbie inside the cooter (on vibrate obviously). IT’S A SPIRITUAL JOURNEY. Abbie even said in one of her podcast episodes you gotta have the holy trifecta: 1) clitoral vacuum stimulator, 2) internal coochie stimulator, and topping it off with 3) a butt plug (we personally haven’t explored that territory solo yet). Also a bit of a fair warning, removing the Abbie post cum kind of feels like removing a thick tampon after way longer than it should have been in there for. It’s not pleasant, but I think it’s worth it for the euphoria you have just experienced.
I wish I had some feedback about how it feels when a partner uses the Abbie on you but unfortunately I was dumped before I was able to experiment, but for now I am having fun revelling in my own orgasm fuelled climate.
So what does the future have in store for me? Multiple orgasms no doubt. And who knows, maybe one day I will try Abbie’s holy trifecta. Here’s to happy orgasms and a society where self love and pleasure can be celebrated in all it’s orgasmic glory. I’m off to indulge in the devil’s lettuce and experience another god-like revelation.