A lesson on accountability
Originally posted March 6th 2020
Do I think I'm amazing? Yes.
Do I have confidence in myself? Yes.
Do I have ambition and drive? Yes.
Does this mean I don't fuck up and make mistakes? No.
I am currently 23 and in my short time being in my early twenties I have learnt what it means to be accountable for your actions. When you turn 18, graduate high school, and do your long-awaited, parent-funded schoolies trip, society deems you as an adult. A trait I deem important in an adult is accountability. Being an adult means no one is there to tell you what's right and what's wrong. No one is there to fix your mistakes. No one is there to hold your hand and wipe your ass throughout adulthood. All you have is yourself. Through this independence, you slowly learn the meaning of accountability. Accountability isn't just the act of being responsible. It's not saying to yourself "I have work at 9am so I will only limit myself to two drinks". It's not "I will go to bed at a reasonable hour tonight". Accountability is "I fucked up, and I am the only one who can make it right". The reason I find this trait so valuable is that it is something that takes great courage and strength. It isn't easy to take ownership when things go wrong, but through my experiences I've been able to realise that swallowing my pride will not result in my instant death. Now if you know me well, I am the CEO of Confrontation. I will not hesitate to call someone out on their bullshit, especially if it's something they've done wrong by me. However in a way, I wish people were more confrontational with me. Self-awareness is important in order for a society to develop and function efficiently and if no one speaks up about how they feel, then what kind of world are we really heading towards? And no; passive aggressive Instagram posts and posting vague lyrics is NOT confrontation. If you have an issue with me or something I say; speak the fuck up. I will hold myself accountable if deemed valid. I may put myself on a pedestal, but in no way does that mean I can't make room for improvement. Yes I may be the reason a friend distanced themselves, yes I may be the reason my ex has trust issues, and yes I am not afraid to say that I have fucked up and things have been my fault. I'm not looking to be congratulated or praised for being so "self-aware" and "woke", and I'm definitely not saying its okay to be a fuck up. What I am saying is I'm proud to be able to have come to a point where I can hold myself accountable and work on ways to redeem myself. I've had to face uncomfortable situations and challenge relationships and seek extra forms of self-help outside of my therapist, but I am mature enough to cancel my pity party and own up to my mistakes, and although I'm not afraid to point the finger, PLEASE; point the finger at me for my wrong-doings. It is the only way we can become better.
Finally, I leave you with my favourite, overused quote from Bojack Horseman:
"You are all the things that are wrong with you! It's not the alcohol, or the drugs, or any of the shitty things that happened in your career, or when you were a kid! It's you! Alright? It's you."