I had an epiphany

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I went on my first date in 15 months the other day. 

It went great, and we organised a second.

A few days before the second date I had an appointment with my psych.

After being out of the dating game for a while, I wanted to get back into the right headspace.

I needed to be reminded of tips and tricks on how to navigate dating.

I wanted to be able to manage my emotions.

My psych has been really good lately. She’s been able to get things out of me without me even realising.

The other week I thought we were having a normal conversation on building my freelance career, but somehow within five minutes she had me disclosing childhood trauma.

Anyway, I was talking to her about how I should steer through second-date territory. If I organised the second, should he organise the third? Will there be a third? If I slept with him on the first date will he be bored of me already? (spoiler: there was a third date - he friendzoned me)

Let me quickly digress; what’s up with men thinking it’s okay to pursue a friendship when you’ve clearly stated you’re looking for a relationship? What makes you think I’m going to settle for less than what I want? Do you think I like you enough to want to work on a friendship with you? Do you think I’m on three different dating apps to find a “pal”? I have enough friends, I don’t need any more. Piss off.

Anyway, in my past relationships, I have often been the one to make the first move.

I saw this as a sign of confidence. I know what I want, and I’m going to go out there and get it. 

What was my epiphany, you ask? Well it turns out, I wasn’t reaching out first because it made me feel like a seductive temptress, I was doing it so I could receive validation quickly, and on my terms. Instead of holding out and waiting to be whisked off my feet, I try to streamline the process and always end up disappointed by my lack of patience. 

Let’s use my last “boyfriend” as an example. I use the term boyfriend lightly because it was more of a 30-day free trial. We had been on 6 dates within that month, and on the 7th I asked if he wanted to be in a monogamous relationship. In hindsight, I don’t even think I liked him that much. In a way, I felt like I was in a rush. If I didn’t claim him as mine now, then he never will be. 

I find myself going out of my way to appease men in whom I’m not even that interested. Who would’ve thought that all this time I was just seeking male validation rather than genuine connection? The thing is, I’m a huge romantic, and I’ve realised that I never actually allow myself to feel chemistry with someone. I’m so determined to feel the romance that I completely bypass the process needed to obtain that feeling. 

When I start doubting myself and losing sight of what I want, I remind myself of my favourite Carrie Bradshaw quote:

“I am someone who is looking for love. Real love. Ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can’t-live-without-each-other love. And I don’t think that love is here in this expensive suite in this lovely hotel in Paris.” (Replace expensive suite in Paris with dirty sharehouse in Brunswick).

I’ve entered a whole new dating game. I’m setting boundaries and I’m not compromising on my desires. It’s a completely new ballpark. A new era of Gabby if you will. Watch this space.