I went to the Netherlands and all I got was mediocre blog content: 2024 recap
You know those TikToks you usually see around this time of year that’s like “If December me sat down with January me and told them everything that happened this year” and the person always has the most flabbergasted, jaw-to-the-floor reaction? Yeah, that pretty much sums up my year.
2024 has been a pretty hard year for me, but I thought instead of dwelling on all the negatives (dramatically leaving my job only to ask for it back 6 months later, a dementia diagnosis in the family, sleeping with someone I definitely shouldn’t have, lowkey being broke and homeless in Amsterdam), I wanted to take the time to talk about all the amazing things I did get to experience this year.
NETHERLANDS
A year ago I decided that I wanted to try living in the Netherlands. After getting to explore the Dutch rave scene over the last couple of years, I knew that it was a place I could totally see myself living. I’m a firm believer that your 20s is for fucking around and finding out, and I wanted to fuck around and find out in Amsterdam
I chose Amsterdam for its familiarity, and because I’ve always been a big city gal. It’s also no secret that I do enjoy remedies of the herbal kind. I applied for a working holiday visa, which allows you to live and work in the Netherlands for a year while traveling. I planned to stay for at least six months and reassess from there, unfortunately I ran out of money far earlier. Sadly the bank of Izza Apter was no longer accepting loans, so I made the choice to come back home in September. I try not to be too hard on myself though. I left my full-time job back home earlier than anticipated, which left me relying solely on photography gigs as income for three months leading up to my move. It was a tough decision, especially knowing the financial risks, but it allowed me to prioritize my mental health, a choice I believe would benefit me in the long run.
I have to hold myself accountable though and say I procrastinated finding a job in Amsterdam. I had a few interviews here and there, but decided to go with Pizza Beppe; a Dutch pizza chain that Poggi had previously been a manager at in Rotterdam while on his expat adventures. Because I put off finding this job for so long, I only ended up working three shifts before making the tough decision to go home. Despite my short tenor, I feel like I made so many core memories on those shifts. Like watching a supervisor pour sambuca into his coffee, or a coworker sending voice memos to her friends while finalising a customer’s order. Pizza Beppe truly was a lawless place. I like to think if I had been more proactive and got the job earlier, I might still be in the Netherlands. Like I said though, I try not to be too hard on myself.
I spent three months in two sublets, one hostel, and one extraordinary townhouse courtesy of Bridie’s family. By September I was already recognising people’s faces at different events. I was seeing my friend Mathilde every other week rather than every four years. I almost built up the courage to ask the barista “een soja ijs latte alstublieft”. Living in Amsterdam was such an enriching experience. I loved exploring the canals, smoking weed on my balcony, buying pre-sliced mango from Albert Heijn, and posting up in a cafe with my laptop and een kaas botterham.
Because my visa is valid until the end of June 2025, I’m going back next year and finishing what I started. This time I’m doing it right. I got my old job here in Melbourne back, working staff for multiple festivals, picked up work with Paracosmic, and still hustling photography, in order to fund and make the most out of my time there. I fly back April 10th and I cannot wait to come back with intention.
RAVING
This year truly was the year of raving for me. My love for hardstyle grew stronger and hard techno made itself into the rotation. The coolest thing about living in Amsterdam was that I could spend $30 on a train ticket to another city for a $50 event with major headliners and insane production and be back that night (or in some cases, next morning). I remember saying to a Dutch friend in 2023 that I would love to go to a Verknipt event one day, and this summer I was privileged to go to THREE. I got to see artists I would never think to see in Australia, let alone multiple times. Highlights include Dr Donk, Toxic Machinery, and SWEDISH HOUSE MAFIA? Side bar: seeing Swedish House Mafia this year genuinely changed my life. At exactly 21:48 I think I saw god. Enlightenment was reached. Happiness was experienced in its purest form. How I felt during their set is a feeling I will always remember. I am eternally grateful!
TOP 10 SETS OF 2024:
Dimitri K @ Knockout
Chapter V @ Decibel
Rob Gee and Marc Acardipane @ Defqon
Rooler @ Knockout
Here's a quick overview of the international raves and festivals I went to:
Defqon: so glad I got to experience this year’s edition with my closest friends, got to kick roll on stage???
Dropzone: what I would do to be back in a body of water while 170 bpm plays, jumping into the ocean, making so many new friends.
Verknipt Arena: the most insane production paired with the most energetic crowd, was fed the most filthy beats from 11pm to 7am.
Tomorrowland: from Swedish House Mafia to Will Sparks to David Gueta, my inner 14-year-old was healed, a genuinely magical experience.
Nacht Wacht: The Last Dance: brought my camera with me and got to snap enthusiastic ravers in an insane venue, met the loveliest Spanish girls in my hostel who I can’t wait to reunite with one day.
Decibel: reignited my already burning passion for hardstyle, wrote a whole blog post about it here.
Verknipt Summer Special: sober, pissing down with rain, getting hit on by a 19 year old, living my best life.
Verknipt All Day Long: Fantasm 3 hour set, met Kruelty, spoke to and danced with the kindest Dutch girls .
Australian highlights include Shadows of Wonderland, Hardmission, and Knockout, where I felt immersed into the community more than ever, partially thanks to building my presence on Tik Tok. I’ve been able to meet so many lovely people in the hardstyle scene this year who have really made a positive impact on my life this year. A big shoutout to Nat, Alistair, Henry, Zarah, Lizzy, Vas and Mik, and a heap of others. You guys are real ones.
Every now and then however, I decide that I no longer want to be perceived online, and I’ll go private half my videos and remove a few hundred followers. I don’t think I’m cut out for the trolls and cyberbullies of the internet, but then I remind myself that social media is fake and the people who know me in real life like who I am and I think that’s enough. I think in the new year I want to turn my focus back on my photography and blog writing. Watch this space.
RELATIONSHIPS
After pursuing celibacy for over a year, I quite literally started 2024 off with a bang. No further questions. I went on three dates this year, had 0.5 talking stages, and developed one (1) crush. As far as crushes go, this one went pretty well. We went to raves, we made out, life was good. It was nice to meet someone oRgAniCaLLy and the thrill of seeing how it would play out had me giggling and kicking my feet, but also had me tip-toeing on the edge of insanity. Sadly, it didn’t work out. He didn’t wish me a happy birthday and we haven’t spoken in two months, which kinda sucks because I genuinely enjoyed his company on a friendship-level. RIP my crush April 2024 - August 2024, you were short-lived but you were great for character development.
While that pursuit didn’t turn out the way I had hoped, here are some other romance highlights from the year:
Pepijn: name is a Dutch red flag, had an existential crisis about his thesis halfway through our date and never saw him again
Gideon: met at Defqon last year and finally smooched at Defqon this year, turns out our political beliefs don’t align in the slightest
Vlad: Romanian hottie, loves PDA in Starbucks
Marty: shoutout if you’re reading this, I’ll always have a soft spot for you fr
Going into 2025 single and boys are very low on the priority list, but never say never or whatever Justin Bieber said.
SOBRIETY
This year I have been trying to lean into a more sober-curious lifestyle; limiting Friday work drinks to one cider, and spacing out my use of party favors across longer intervals than I previously had. It took some tough moments and a lot of self-reflection—like messaging too many ex-situationships who wouldn’t care whether I lived or died, and enduring one too many week-long comedowns—for me to realize that I’m not a fan of the person I become when under the influence, which is why I decided to start limiting my use of drugs and alcohol.
One wake-up call was when I found myself at kick-ons after Knockout, surrounded by mostly strangers and empty nang canisters at 2am. A sober DJ was posted up in the corner of the dimly lit 28th floor living room, a cuddle puddle was taking place on both the floor and couch, while balloons and bags did the rounds. I went to the airport at 4am that morning; phone battery at 17%, $3 in my bank account, zero sleep, still tweaking; and I thought to myself, what happened last night can narcotically never happen again.
The biggest wake-up call however, was Melbourne cup long-weekend. I had the intention of going to a rave relatively sober. However, a glass of rose lead to a can of 196 which lead to another can of 196 which lead to a can of sour puss which lead to ordering nangs which lead to a bump of *redacted* which lead to a bump of *redacted* which lead to a park rave at 3am which lead to half a tab of acid which lead to me crashing out and remembering about 30% of the night. Crashing out can basically be described as losing all self-control and acting purely out of emotion. In this instance, that meant lashing out at the aforementioned crush. Not my finest moment. Maybe that’s why he didn’t wish me a happy birthday.
Since then, and as I write this, I am currently 50 days sober (barring that sweet sweet giggle smoke). I don’t believe I have a substance abuse issue or anything of the sort, but as an Instagram comment I saw recently put it, I just hate the consequences more than I enjoy the experiences that drugs and alcohol give me. The events I’ve been going to recently have a crowd and atmosphere so amazing that I’m able to just feed off the energy. Not having to prioritize alcohol and party favours has allowed me to have more meaningful conversations. It’s allowed me to be more productive on weekends and let me tell you what a blessing it is to not wake up on a Sunday questioning whether or not you started beef with someone the night before.
I’m not sure how long I’ll keep the shtick up for, but if anyone has ever thought about doing something similar I would highly recommend this video from an American rave vlogger I used to watch: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Ku3C7scpIA
2024 was literally life changing. Like hello I went to TOMORROWLAND and lived in the NETHERLANDS?? What the fuck. The thing about change though is it comes with a lot of pain and discomfort. The last couple of months have been challenging but that's expected when it’s been an insane year! I am making conscious decisions to improve and get better!
A lot of exciting things to come in 2025. I am going to go back to Amsterdam in April where I can legally stay until September (unless I find a husband or an employer to sponsor me, enquire within), and when I come home I want to focus on moving back out and finding long-term work. I’m so excited for the future. Love to all those who stick around x
Gabby